


It’s the way you look at me

by peppermintcloudd



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27597976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppermintcloudd/pseuds/peppermintcloudd
Summary: Naomi will never love you.And you knew that for a fact. It was something you just accepted and you were sure of. No matter how strong your feelings are, you know that they will never be reciprocated. But deep down you wish that it wasn’t true--you befriended her, in hopes of maybe one day living a life you always wanted--and now you realized that it hurts more. You haven’t told anyone about your feelings and you were confident that no one was aware of it. You aren’t the type to make it obvious. In fact, you would probably be unable to express love or affection to anybody at all--at least that’s what you think.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	It’s the way you look at me

Walking home with Naomi became a daily routine and the only part of the day you really looked forward to. Despite your feelings towards her, it actually made you feel better. Even if your feelings ever disappeared, talking to Naomi is something you know you will always enjoy. She radiated warmth of the morning sunrise and her voice could calm you down better than the moonlight. Her mere existence made you smile. 

“I talked to Oikawa the other day, he said the tournament is approaching. So i guess you’ll be busy huh?” 

The tournament is approaching and you will be busy as the manager of the team, which also meant you’d have to stay after school. And that meant walking home with Naomi would become rare. Although you hated that you’d have less interactions with her, you were a good manager and the team admired you for that. It was a great distraction and a great opportunity to get over her. 

“Yeah. I don’t think we will be walking home together as often.” you replied.

“I’ll miss this then” Naomi smiled and it made your heart race. You stayed silent.  
“Are you not going to miss me?” she chuckled. “ Oh c'mon you’re always so uptight. Let’s hangout after school sometime, maybe before you’re busy managing the boy’s volleyball team?”

“I’m staying after school starting tomorrow, I’m sorry I should’ve told you sooner” you said.

“Then how about today?” she suggested. 

-  
It’s not a date.  
Of course it isn’t but to you it felt weird. It’s not like Naomi wasn’t the type of person to ask you to hangout but it seemed a bit too spontaneous to be true. You put a little bit-- maybe a lot-- more effort into getting ready than you’d usually do. 

You guys decided to meet up at a nearby cafe you were familiar with. You’d study there before your exams, pour your heart out to your journal and eat your favourite desserts all while the smell of coffee calmed you down. It was one of the very few places you truly cherished--aside from the school volleyball court and your room. You see Naomi through the glass windows of the cafe. She wore a grey sweater and had her hair tie up in a ponytail. You look away as soon as your eyes meet and enter the cafe.   
\--  
“I like Oikawa.”

Ouch. You felt rejected and even used when Naomi explained how she wanted to know more about him and thought you could help. You said you weren’t that close to him, which isn’t a lie at all. It’s very true. Oikawa is simply aware of your existence and occasionally talks to you as the team captain. You’d expect the team captain and the manager to interact more but it was Iwaizumi you talked to the most. Despite that fact you never thought of him as a bad captain, but you don’t think he is a good captain either. He is an “alright” captain.While the team wasn’t playing volleyball, Iwaizumi kept you updated and talked to you while Oikawa mostly talked to his teammates or his fangirls. Speaking of fangirls you almost forgot that Naomi was one of them. You were used to girls at school asking you about him and you were so used to it. But when she said it it hurt a lot. You couldn’t hate her even if you wanted to and you also couldn’t help her--and you were glad. 

There wasn’t anything about Oikawa that you knew and she wouldn’t. He was extremely popular at school so most people know about him and being the team manager you never bothered to ever think about his personal interests at all. You just cared about the team. The “date” ended with Naomi disappointed and you heartbroken. 

“We should do this again sometime. I had a good time!” Naomi said.

You knew she wouldn’t just use you for her benefit and despite her disappointment, she seemed genuine. Maybe if she had never talked to you ever again after this you would’ve fallen out of love.   
\--  
Right after school you see a bunch of girls surrounding a tall male figure. You know exactly who it is but that isn’t what grabs your attention. 

You see Naomi. Talking to him, smiling and gazing at him the way she’ll never look at you.

Oh how you wish to be Oikawa Tooru. You really wished she looked at you like that. You wonder if anyone will look at you like that. You find yourself looking at the scene for longer than you expected. You make your way inside the volleyball court and make sure all the boys are present. 

“I caught you staring at me~” 

You were taken aback by his voice and you immediately recognized it. It wasn’t uncommon for him to make such playful remarks. And it definitely is not the first time he has said something like this. But this time you weren’t quite sure how to respond to that. 

No, I wasn’t staring at you. I was staring at one of your fangirls that I’m in love with and your existence is exactly why I’ve been deeply upset. 

You were glad you didn’t have to respond since the coach called everyone in the team to set up the nets. Which was a relief since he could forget and never expect a response for you. However you were wrong. After practice ended, Iwaizumi would always ask for information you had gathered about other teams and even your input on how you thought the team did. Oikawa would sometimes tag along and he decided that today was sometimes. When it was time for you to leave, Oikawa tried to talk to you.

You guys had the normal conversations you’d always have. Very casual, small talk, not much depth and mostly about school or volleyball. You wonder if you really digged yourself into a hole by staring at Naomi. Now he probably thinks that you’re in love with him but that couldn’t be further from the truth. It was difficult for you to keep the conversation going because you hated it and Oikawa Tooru is the last person on this planet you want to talk to right now. You find your responses to be more blunt than usual. You may even come off as harsh to some. You couldn’t help it, but he was a reminder that Naomi doesn’t like you. You decide that parting ways as soon as possible would be the best thing to do. You make up an excuse to go home. 

\---  
Something seems off.

Oikawa just got back home and replayed the conversation you had with him. And yes he did think you had developed a liking towards him but you seemed super distant. He barely paid attention to you but today left him curious to say the least. It definitely bothered him. He had always been so used to girls being mesmerized by him and he could feel it. He loved the attention he got from the girls at school although he would never admit it. The truth is he was insecure and the validation he got from them made him feel better. But he didn’t think too much of it, it simply reminded him of the time he tried to approach Kiyoko, the manager of Karasuno. 

\----

Oikawa noticed.

He noticed how you weren't staring at him but at Noami. It all made sense now. But he wanted to confirm a theory he had and realized that every single after practice that you would rush outside of the school building, near the volleyball court just to get a glance of her. Oikawa might come off as playful but he didn’t hesitate to ask you if you liked her. He was pretty straightforward and that was something you didn’t expect. Your initial reaction was shocked, tense, worried if he would tell anyone, worried if he would tell her. You want to deny it but I think this time you had made it too obvious. There was no turning back.

“Aah you must hate me,” said Oikawa.

That was very true. However, you chose not to respond as you’re still processing everything that is happening. 

“So it is true, you aren’t denying it” 

“Look, just forget everything that happened okay? And I would really appreciate it if you didn’t tell anybody.” you replied.

“I promise this will be between the two of us. You have my word,” Oikawa continued, “..But you should tell her how you feel and I can help!”

“I don’t need your help, Oikawa” you walked away.

\---

Why do I want to help her?

Oikawa simply blamed it on curiosity. But he knew that wasn’t the truth. Naomi was one of his most active fangirls and probably the nicest. It didn’t surprise him at all that you had feelings for her. Out of all the girls from school, Naomi is the person he’d expect you to have a crush on. The truth was he felt extremely guilty as a team captain for never talking to you as much as he probably should have. He questioned how good of a team captain he was and deep down he always doubted that he was a good one.

This was an excuse to talk to you more often, this seemed like a natural way to do it. Now that you guys had something only between the two of you, sparking a conversation would be easier. He knew everything about his teammates but absolutely nothing about you. Iwaizumi and you were pretty close though. So many joining you guys more often in conversations might help him.  
\---

“Do you always carry that with you?” 

Oikawa pointed at your sketchbook that you were holding. You always loved to draw, however it always got unnoticed, you weren’t necessarily the best at it. You never won art competitions at school so people wouldn’t ask to make artwork for clubs. 

“Yeah,” you replied, “I’ve always loved to draw so I always carry one with me. I’m not very good at it so not a lot of people notice.” 

“That’s a lie. You should see her artworks and judge for yourself” Iwaizumi said to Oikawa. Iwaizumi was one of the very few people you told about your passion and he was super supportive and always encouraged you to keep going. 

“Well, shittykawa does not get to see my artworks,” you laughed. It wasn’t that you’d mind but it was solely based on the fact that you wanted to annoy him.

“Hey! Don’t call me that!” OIkawa exclaimed. Iwaizumi joined in with you calling Oikawa names. You pull out a pencil from your backpack and start sketching the volleyball court while the two of them are lost in a childish argument. 

Iwaizumi had already left and Oikawa sat next to you. 

“You should draw her something,” he said.

“I don’t see the point” you replied. Truth was you did want to draw her something, maybe draw Naomi herself. You wanted to draw the smile you fell in love with. You wanted to draw her eyes that lit up every time she saw... him. 

Silence filled the volleyball court. Oikawa realized he made you uncomfortable.

“Does it bother you?” 

If this was about Naomi again you were ready to throw hands.

“Being unnoticed I mean” he clarified. 

“No not really.” you replied.

“Don’t you ever feel… just.. shitty that there’s always someone better than you?”

“I mean yeah sometimes. There will always be someone better than you so I don’t see the point in dwelling on something you can’t control. I try my best and that’s all that matters to me. And when I do feel really shitty I remind myself that I don’t draw for other people, I do it for myself. I remind myself why I do it.

\--

I remind myself why I do it.

Those words kept ringing in Oikawa’s head on the way back home. Talking to you made him feel better. And getting closer to you was the best decision he had made. He regretted not talking to you sooner. You were an amazing team manager who deeply cared for the volleyball club. He genuinely wanted to see you happy. And that’s why he was just trying to help you Naomi. 

\---

Weeks passed and things were normal. You talked to Oikawa more often than you used to. Oikawa was the only thing that bought you and Naomi together and it pained you. Every time her eyes would light up whenever you mentioned his name or how her checks would turn into shades of pink when you tell her his likes and dislikes. Everything hurt.

“I’m going to confess to him,” said Naomi.

Oikawa would eventually find out. That was inevitable. And maybe then he’d leave you alone and maybe you’d get over her.

\---

Oikawa always found a way to talk to you more. And maybe learn more about how managing the team is going. And maybe help you get with Naomi. Or maybe those things are just an excuse to simply talk to you. Iwaizumi had noticed Oikawa’s interest in you and often teased him about it. 

“Looks like a crush to me” he’d say.

Oikawa would always deny it and say you like someone else but he never failed to keep his promise so every time Iwaizumi asked who it was he’d simply say “It’s not you so don’t worry about it” to simply get punched in the back by Iwaizumi.

Oikawa wanted to be honest with himself and truthfully he was. He did like you. It is the way you’d sit on the benches during practice and doodle on your sketchbook. It is the way you smile at the team and tell them they did a good job. It is the way you smiled, laughed and frowned. It’s the most mundane tasks you did that made him like you. It is the first time that his feelings aren’t reciprocated. The first time a girl wasn’t staring at him mesmerized. It was his pride that made him not try to talk to you and he’ll gladly admit it. It wasn’t that strong of a liking but talking to you more definitely made his feelings for you grow. Maybe that was a bad idea or maybe that was the best decision he’d made but maybe if things did workout with Naomi he’d easily get over you.  
——  
“I l-like you..” 

Guilt. Guilt was the only thing Oikawa could feel when he heard Naomi say those words. The only person running through his mind right now was you. He thought about all the times he had brought her up in a conversation. He thought about how much you probably hated him. He thought about how you would probably never forgive him. He felt shitty.

It was safe to say the rejection wasn’t handled well by her. He could’ve been nicer. Maybe even told her the truth but a flat out “no” seemed too harsh even for him. This confession did hurt him. He wished you told him about this sooner. He wished he didn’t hurt your feelings. He looks at you comforting Naomi from a distance.

Jealousy. It’s definitely jealousy. Your arms are wrapped around hers while he’s all by himself. You wipe away her tears while he watches you walk her home. He felt guilty even wanting your affection. He is the one who just rejected somebody yet he feels like he’s the rejected one. The realization that you’d probably never reciprocate his feelings hit him.


End file.
